Member-only story
Meet Chad, the chair. He’s just a stationary object made for sitting.
Chad is not thrilled about being a chair. It’s boring. All people do is sit on you. The problem with being a chair is not just sitting and staring at the wall or table all day. It’s the things people do once they sit down.
Chad has had people sit on him without wearing clothes. Sometimes people with swamp ass will leave yucky sweat marks on the seat.
People stand on him.
People use him as weapons during dinner table verbal altercations.
People use him as a secondary bookshelf.
Some people would sit and lean the chair back so far that they fall. Chad has to take the fall along with their body weight. It’s the reason why drunk people make him nervous.
Sometimes small children accidentally use the restroom while sitting on him.
The one thing he hates the most is scooting. He would prefer if his owners use chair sliders but they don’t listen. He’s a chair. He’s not allowed to give advice.
The sounds of a chair scooting on tile or wooden flooring hurts his poor ears.
When he’s on the carpet, people would briefly move an inch forward to get closer to the table. Chad’s legs hurt the entire time because when people try to scoot on carpeting they are sitting and hopping on the chair at the same time.
Chad is just a 12lb chair that has to carry the weight of 90–300lb people. Some people may call him strong but for Chad the chair, he’s just miserable.
