Member-only story
I Am Your Useless Cereal Bowl-Shaped Plunger
I am Ted and I am your useless cereal bowl shaped plunger. I don’t have many features other than poorly unclogging your toilet. By bowl shaped head doesn’t bend or fit along the contours of your toilet bowl. I create no suction. The only thing I do right is splash water all over the place, break toilet paper apart and cake myself with feces. Even household toilets are sick of my shit.
I am about as useless as a plastic plant sitting on a window sill. Thinking that my bowl-shaped head will unclog anything is like wishing you’ll get a job right after college. Nothing will happen.
I don’t budge, bend, or do anything. I look like a plunger but I know I am a fake plunger. I don’t have all those fancy flexible features that the more expensive plungers have to enhance their suction power.
On the upside, I am cheap. That’s it.
Sometimes I break off the plunger handle. Sometimes I split or tear. Sometimes people buy plungers like me for everything under the sun except for unclogging a toilet. Sometimes people use me to unclog their sinks but I can’t even do that right. My rubber bowl head is so inflexible that buyers question if I am even made of rubber and not carbon steel.
