Member-only story
Your birthday is coming but you don’t have any friends. Your only friend is your anime body pillow named Sakura but you want real friends.
People are too emotional and unpredictable. Animals are too noisy. You go on the internet looking to find a friend and lo and behold you find the perfect match. A plant.
You find a product called Plant Friends. They’re like chia pets but without the creepy looking faces. It’s just a small plant with a smiley face on the pot. The great thing about befriending a plant is you don’t have to worry about them being noisy or getting super emotional.
All you have to do is water your Plant Friend once a day and it will live forever.
Forever? Yes forever.
Plant Friends are made using the most cutting edge genetically modified plant technology on the planet. Each plant is mutated to withstand any plant disease, any human destruction and every force of nature. If your house burns down, your Plant Friend will live. If there’s a flood, a tornado and an earthquake on the same day, your plant friend will survive.
Accidentally left your plant outside during northern North Dakotan winters? Your Plant Friend will…
