An Apology Letter to the Cockroach I Murdered Last Night

Your arrival was unexpected so I had to take you out

Illustration made by the author.

This is an apology letter to the cockroach I murdered with a broom in the middle of my living room floor.

I apologize for beating you to death. I know you were minding your business. All you wanted to do was walk across the living room without bothering anyone. Life must be hard when you are a bug. You could be sitting there for ten minutes taking a nap or thinking about whether you should pay your credit card bill early this time instead of 11:58 pm on the day it’s due.

You probably crossed the living room so that you can escape. I know you were heading for the door. Instead of grabbing a broom, I could have opened the door and swept you out. You probably have a wife and three children. They were probably wondering when their cockroach father is coming home. Well after murdering you, the answer is never.

You probably were a successful business owner that made products to protect roaches against raid products. You probably were a successful roach with a car, a girlfriend, and an amazing cockroach house. Well, you don’t have that anymore.

The moment I saw you walk across the living room floor, I grabbed that broom and smacked you once. You ran so fast. You were…